My boyfriend just made me uber depressed. No, he didnt say anything stupid or hurtful. He told me a little about his dreams, and how annoyingly stupid Malaysian 'policies' are, our lack of freedom to speak, to do things we want, our right to choose, lack of 'human rights' etc. And he told me about his life back in his country, about how each university has its own radio station, where people pour out their thoughts, opinions, views on something, and how there is so much to do there nobody really gets bored. Quite aggravating to hear all that, when the biggest thing I did today was wake up. That was it. I havent left my bed. And this man thinks I am queer, as in I dont like watching movies, and he still cant figure out what I like to do. It's just depressing.
I wanna do a lot of things ok? Like, tomorrow, a bunch of people I knew from ages ago are going to the waterfalls, and they are making plans and shit, and I wanna do that too. But (1) I dont have people that I'm close to anymore, (2) I dont have the money or the transport to do those things (3) I dont have friends. Technically (1) and (3) are the same. So yes, I admit, I dont have friends. I have a lot of people I talk to but no one I can make plans with. And before anyone reading this snickers and swims in the joy of me not having friends, I rather be alone than be with that old nasty bunch I used to waste my life with. I wanna go shopping. And I havent seen that new building near Jusco Ipoh so that would be a treat. But (1) I have RM4 which would give me tomorrows meal and wont do me any good in Ipoh anyway because a to-fro ticket is RM7. (2)What good is going there if I cant buy jackshit? (3) I wanna watch a movie but again, I still havent figured out how to rob a bank efficiently(sarcasm).
And I wanna do other things too. Like go to the zoo. Or go to Gentings. I wanna purchase my Instax Mini 25 now so I can take pictures and make more scrapbooks. I want to take a train ride to Singapore. Hell, I wanna visit Singapore. I want to go to Penang. I want to go to the beaches. I want to go on a roadtrip. I want to take a night ride to Cameron Highland's and have hot Tomyam soup in the freezing weather. There's a lot of things I want to do, but everything I wanna do is halted by the fact I am ass broke and well, you could blame me by saying "Go get a job!" Do you know how difficult it is to get a job in Malaysia if you're an Indian? Ok scratch Malaysia. Before joining uni, I tried everywhere in Ipoh looking for a job. Sales, waitressing, cyber cafes, everything. First they want Chinese. The end. I'M SORRY I'M NOT CHINESE(no offense I love chinese people) And Kampar, you just cant get a job. No matter how hard you try. The race thing comes in between. Maybe they feel more comfortable working with their own race... but SERIOUSLY YOU ARE IN BETWEEN MY HOPES AND DREAMS! So I have to accept whatever scrap my parents give me, and save from it so I can decently ride in a train to Nilai instead of stealing somebody's buffalo and do the rodeo thing all the way there. And manage my toiletries,my food, the little happiness I get from buying scrappy notebooks and clippy pens etc.
So can you blame me? Seriously? Someday I'm going to move out, get a decent job and a decent life, get decent friends and do amazing things and never have to worry about anything because there will always be a solution to everything.One day I'm going to get myself out of this shithole of a country and never look back.
I wanna do a lot of things ok? Like, tomorrow, a bunch of people I knew from ages ago are going to the waterfalls, and they are making plans and shit, and I wanna do that too. But (1) I dont have people that I'm close to anymore, (2) I dont have the money or the transport to do those things (3) I dont have friends. Technically (1) and (3) are the same. So yes, I admit, I dont have friends. I have a lot of people I talk to but no one I can make plans with. And before anyone reading this snickers and swims in the joy of me not having friends, I rather be alone than be with that old nasty bunch I used to waste my life with. I wanna go shopping. And I havent seen that new building near Jusco Ipoh so that would be a treat. But (1) I have RM4 which would give me tomorrows meal and wont do me any good in Ipoh anyway because a to-fro ticket is RM7. (2)What good is going there if I cant buy jackshit? (3) I wanna watch a movie but again, I still havent figured out how to rob a bank efficiently(sarcasm).
And I wanna do other things too. Like go to the zoo. Or go to Gentings. I wanna purchase my Instax Mini 25 now so I can take pictures and make more scrapbooks. I want to take a train ride to Singapore. Hell, I wanna visit Singapore. I want to go to Penang. I want to go to the beaches. I want to go on a roadtrip. I want to take a night ride to Cameron Highland's and have hot Tomyam soup in the freezing weather. There's a lot of things I want to do, but everything I wanna do is halted by the fact I am ass broke and well, you could blame me by saying "Go get a job!" Do you know how difficult it is to get a job in Malaysia if you're an Indian? Ok scratch Malaysia. Before joining uni, I tried everywhere in Ipoh looking for a job. Sales, waitressing, cyber cafes, everything. First they want Chinese. The end. I'M SORRY I'M NOT CHINESE(no offense I love chinese people) And Kampar, you just cant get a job. No matter how hard you try. The race thing comes in between. Maybe they feel more comfortable working with their own race... but SERIOUSLY YOU ARE IN BETWEEN MY HOPES AND DREAMS! So I have to accept whatever scrap my parents give me, and save from it so I can decently ride in a train to Nilai instead of stealing somebody's buffalo and do the rodeo thing all the way there. And manage my toiletries,my food, the little happiness I get from buying scrappy notebooks and clippy pens etc.
So can you blame me? Seriously? Someday I'm going to move out, get a decent job and a decent life, get decent friends and do amazing things and never have to worry about anything because there will always be a solution to everything.One day I'm going to get myself out of this shithole of a country and never look back.
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