You are not Forgotten

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.

I have a lot of favourite verses from the Bible, but till today, this means to me the most. It's the description of the blog! So you must know how much I love it. 


It's a verse that is very close to my heart. I've always dealt with this issue of being forgotten. God knows how many nights I have cried myself into a hangover like state and sobbed myself to sleep. I am forgotten, easily. I think, my birth mother has completely forgotten about me. If it wasn't for facebook, not many would remember my birthday. I've only received birthday presents once in my life, and my coursemates did a little celebration for my 20th birthday(I love you guys!). My mum has forgotten me at the moment, coz I suppose she is having fun with her family back in KL. My dad only ever remembers me when he thinks I have run out of money. A group of people I used to hang out with completely forgot about me and then decided to backstab me, repeatedly.


But I've always held on to this one promise. He... He has not forgotten me, not once. My name has been engraved on the palms of His hands. And that's permanent. I know this. I have 'engravements' on my hands too. Scars of emotional hurt, anger, disappointment, hate, self-loathing etc. They have been etched on top of another, but years have gone by and I can still see the early scars, right up to the last one. They are permanent. 


But God's markings are a different sort all together. They speak love, care, absolute adoration, blessing, hope, promises, dreams, salvation, an amazing life, and an even more amazing afterlife. 


One birthday, I think I was 8. It was the most horrible birthday I ever had. We were visiting relatives in KL, and my aunty was utterly horrible to me, on my birthday eve. She humiliated me in front of everyone and my parents didnt come to my defense. So I had to play the big girl and totally dissed her of and pretended like I was made of steel. But I still remember we were travelling back home that night and I was tearing up badly at the backseat of the car, under the shadow of night, asking God why nobody would care, or even bother to try and love me. I felt so unloved and unwanted that day. 


And I saw it. Just a flicker, and it was gone. But I saw it. It was a shooting star. A meteor shower, just for me, and I got to see one of them. Ever since that year, meteor shower season falls right after my birthday and I have had 3 years of meteor shower nights here in Kampar.  Its the August Perseid Meteor shower, which always falls around August 10-13 :)


It doesnt sound much, I know. But to me its His way of saying, "Hey, I remember you. You're my kid". 


So when I see these markings on my hands, I dont see them for what they were anymore. I see Isaiah 49:16. "See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me."


Ps:My exams are over!!! Tumblring like a boss (Geminids Meteor shower going on now, but Kampar too cloudy. I shall dream about them tonight :)