I feel very inspired to write this one post. Wrote a short version in Facebook but writing it made me more inspired to blog about it.
Yes, I was one of the people who claimed UTAR to be "Uni tak ada ruang" and "Uni tak ada rehat" and all kind of bull crap. But sitting here, in my room thinking about this semester, I feel so grateful for such an awesome experience. Have you ever seen UTAR in the wee hours of the morning before dawn? It's beyond gorgeous. And the air, is not polluted, calm, sweet and cold and the whole place looks poised and beautiful. And just to sit there and look at the beauty and have the chance to talk to God and say thank you. It was a beautiful experience. I will never forget it. And I always complain about having to wake up before dawn for class and back home so late I don't even know what to do with myself, but honestly I like this life. I like having something of substance to deal with rather than the idyllic life I used to live, in denial and buried in the illusion of grandeur and stupidity, controlled by people whom, I don't even give a damn about anymore. Who were of waste to me. This life, has set me straight in my priorities; its do or die(fail in my case). When I come home I don't rush of to do stupid things. I get my work done. I am at par with my subjects in my uni. I am not in blur-dome or total ignorance. I have my priorities straight. And yes, midterm every week does suck and it looks like heavy workload but honestly when you think about in the long run, I'm better prepared for my finals, because I have already learnt it before, once during lecture, again for my midterms and studying it again for finals only makes it harder to forget.
And oh the life in Kampar. Honestly, like what bie always says, it is the caves. But it is the most perfect, beautiful 'cave' I have ever lived in. And there is no city life in which I can get sucked in, doing what everybody does;shopping, clubbing, lepaking, gaming etc. In Kampar, imagination comes in handy. And honestly only in Kampar can you see young adults get so excited for pasar malam night every Wednesday even though chances of it raining that very Wednesday is 100%. And running after buffaloes and going fishing in the lakes and actually catching one... only in Kampar do you get so excited and mental when you find out McD is coming to Kampar. And the late night barbies(BBQ) in the middle of the road and running around Westlake/Harvard looking for shooting stars in the skies during August-Dec... Going to yumcha at the mamak stall at 4am because you're bored. And sometimes, we get so bored we turn to our UTAR notes/books/ppstreaming for adventure. And there's sleepovers and late night cramming for exams with tonnes of food and redbull.
This is just a fraction of what I am thankful for today. If I wrote it all, I would have to turn it into a pdf file and link it coz it would be just too long. And , I'm thankful for bie. Because it was him, that led me to this today, and I could say a thousand things about him that I am thankful for, but it all sums up to one; he gave me a home, which was all I wanted my whole life. And I'm thankful for that. And mostly, I'm thankful to God. Because He made me, and He made this plan for my life. And He received me with open arms, and he does that everyday, after all the muck and dirt I 'fall' into. And he continues to plan my life, and lead me through it. And He gave me these emotions, and these thoughts and these wonderful things to say. I don't know what I would do without Him. I am thankful.
So many times, we are not grateful for what we have. Or what we experience. We often forget, well I often forget that everything that happens is actually a miracle, something that is completely not of coincidence but meant to be. And every experience, every situation whether it's good or bad is lessons taught, memories learnt and lives shared. And very often, I forget to be thankful.
This whole semester has opened up my eyes to see the usually unseen. I have started to see with my heart instead of logic and sarcasm. For a long time, I wasn't this optimistic. I was a dreamer, but I was also a big discouragement to myself. I always felt like the world was against me, I had nothing to be grateful for, woe was me. I was angry, hurt, disappointed. I wanted to be like others. Popular, pretty, smart, super awesome basically. And I was angry and jealous when I saw people living the lives I yearned for.
I don't really know what happened this year. I don't. All I know, is that I have changed. A lot. I think it's after I told myself, I trust God, and I DID trust in Him, and in every situation, every problem encountered, every shitty thing, I made myself say "I trust You" even though I was scared. And the more I said it, the more I 'saw'. And I saw so many things to be grateful for. In so many ways. In so many circumstances.
Last week, the stress got to me. Friday night, last class and I go home only to be not able to breathe and having this acute pain in my right rib. I needed to go to the hospital but I didn't know who to call. Help came in the form of a dear friend. He took me to the hospital, and came back for me. The next day, I had a replacement class, and when it was over there was no bus home and I was feeling horrible so I started to walk back only for the pain to get worse halfway till I started crying. Help came, in the form of a girl a adore and a boy I have known for a long time. Last Thursday, I had a midterm at 7am, before uni officially starts, and I was walking in the wee hours of the morning, in the drizzle. Help came, in the form of course mate and fellow 'warriors'. Help always came. And it's not just that. I'm thankful for my university.
Yes, I was one of the people who claimed UTAR to be "Uni tak ada ruang" and "Uni tak ada rehat" and all kind of bull crap. But sitting here, in my room thinking about this semester, I feel so grateful for such an awesome experience. Have you ever seen UTAR in the wee hours of the morning before dawn? It's beyond gorgeous. And the air, is not polluted, calm, sweet and cold and the whole place looks poised and beautiful. And just to sit there and look at the beauty and have the chance to talk to God and say thank you. It was a beautiful experience. I will never forget it. And I always complain about having to wake up before dawn for class and back home so late I don't even know what to do with myself, but honestly I like this life. I like having something of substance to deal with rather than the idyllic life I used to live, in denial and buried in the illusion of grandeur and stupidity, controlled by people whom, I don't even give a damn about anymore. Who were of waste to me. This life, has set me straight in my priorities; its do or die(fail in my case). When I come home I don't rush of to do stupid things. I get my work done. I am at par with my subjects in my uni. I am not in blur-dome or total ignorance. I have my priorities straight. And yes, midterm every week does suck and it looks like heavy workload but honestly when you think about in the long run, I'm better prepared for my finals, because I have already learnt it before, once during lecture, again for my midterms and studying it again for finals only makes it harder to forget. And oh the life in Kampar. Honestly, like what bie always says, it is the caves. But it is the most perfect, beautiful 'cave' I have ever lived in. And there is no city life in which I can get sucked in, doing what everybody does;shopping, clubbing, lepaking, gaming etc. In Kampar, imagination comes in handy. And honestly only in Kampar can you see young adults get so excited for pasar malam night every Wednesday even though chances of it raining that very Wednesday is 100%. And running after buffaloes and going fishing in the lakes and actually catching one... only in Kampar do you get so excited and mental when you find out McD is coming to Kampar. And the late night barbies(BBQ) in the middle of the road and running around Westlake/Harvard looking for shooting stars in the skies during August-Dec... Going to yumcha at the mamak stall at 4am because you're bored. And sometimes, we get so bored we turn to our UTAR notes/books/ppstreaming for adventure. And there's sleepovers and late night cramming for exams with tonnes of food and redbull.
This is just a fraction of what I am thankful for today. If I wrote it all, I would have to turn it into a pdf file and link it coz it would be just too long. And , I'm thankful for bie. Because it was him, that led me to this today, and I could say a thousand things about him that I am thankful for, but it all sums up to one; he gave me a home, which was all I wanted my whole life. And I'm thankful for that. And mostly, I'm thankful to God. Because He made me, and He made this plan for my life. And He received me with open arms, and he does that everyday, after all the muck and dirt I 'fall' into. And he continues to plan my life, and lead me through it. And He gave me these emotions, and these thoughts and these wonderful things to say. I don't know what I would do without Him. I am thankful.
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