I've lost you

I dont know what to do anymore. I've been trying to get the right words to say, that one wonderfully written letter or speech that sparks the love back in my mother and reminds me of why she took me in in the first place. But I cannot seem to find any. I tried. I sent her a long text. I tried to tell her about how hard I try. How hard it is for me to make her proud, and how it hurts when she sees the best in Saishree and not me, eventhough I have done more and I have tried so hard to please them. But what I got is a two day long rant about how another cousin of mine, Palveena is a gem of a child. How she used her PTPTN money to pay her parent's mortgage and pay her car of. How she is now pursuing apparently both a degree and masters in Math. Well, its easy to use your PTPTN money for other things when the government pays for your teaching programme AND gives you an allowance to be their bitch. And how wicked I am, to spend money on my hair colour and shoes and clothes. I really dont know what to say anymore. What really hurt me is, I was really sick Friday night. I had to ask someone to send me to the Emergency ward although I stay away from hospitals even when I am having the worst fever ever. I was sick, and while coursemates were asking how I was doing and helping me out, my parents completely didnt bother. My dad asked me about money when I told him I was sick and I had to go to the emergency ward. While my boyfriend was absolutely petrified and stayed awake till he knew I was ok, my parents couldnt be bothered.

I dont know what to do anymore. I think it's time to accept that its just me from now on. They are lost in a world of materialism and cash and lost dreams. They will never come out of it. It's almost like losing them to some sort of worldly Alzheimers.

I guess I need to find some sort of closure, and see things in a different way and know that I am doing things right.