I love you

And though your arms and legs are under. 

Love will be the echo in your ears when all is lost and plunder.. 

My love will be there still

I love you. You know that right? I'm sorry for being childish. I know I make myself look like a big grown up more often than I should. But you know I'm far from it. More often I'm a frightened little child who wants to be around you all the time. I'm not afraid of losing you. I know we will be together, for a very long time. But I'm afraid of circumstances.


I love you. I cannot imagine a life without you in it. Do you understand what I mean when I say that? I cannot imagine living without you. Your love is all I want.

Your love is my turning page. 

Only the sweetest words remain. 

Every kiss is a cursive line 

Every touch is a redefining phrase. 

I surrender who I've been for who you are 

Nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart

If I had only felt how it feels to be yours. 

I would have known what I've been living for all along 

What I've been living for

Breaking Dawn Review

Title says it all. 


Intro to  the day first =.=
Today has been a very hectic day today. I didnt sleep last night, studied for my midterm, went to uni at 7am for my midterm and walked all the way to Bandar Baru to get myself into a cyber cafe so I can pre-register for next semester. Pre-registering in UTAR is worse than the final exam jitters, because my darling uni has <--this much--> bandwidth from its mainserver, and <----------------this many----------------> students. So, every semester, we deal with lagging, getting kicked out by the servers and many other issues, and sometimes we dont get the subject we want. Bummer. Anyway, got my timetable done, and went to Ipoh. To watch Breaking Dawn. 


You see, I started reading the books when the first Twilight movie came out. Actually, ages after that. I didn't actually become a Twihard fan but I love reading. So I read all 4 books. And my favourite was the last one, Breaking Dawn. 


So, imagine my excitement when I found out Breaking Dawn is showing in Ipoh. I got my tickets online, printed every 'document' possible, and went to Ipoh although my ovaries have decided their monthly rebel against me, and I was dead tired and nauseous from all the Redbull I drank. 


Oh yes, I was excited. But, by the end of the movie, I wanted to tear the screen up with my barely there fingernails and run amok at the theater. Or throw a used tampon. Something, anything. I was so angry and upset when  the movie ended. It was like watching a badly made remake by a group of First year theater students who had too much time in their hands. 


The movie stuck close to the book. Good. But the overload of puns and the comedy effect was degrading to the book's original theme. Especially the part where they show Bella turn into a vampire. Her broken ribs inflated, like a sudden boobjob, and a scene that in my head was exhilarating and mindblowing, was reduced into a big joke, in which the whole crowd laughed while I face-palmed countless times. And Renesmee... Seriously!? CGI has gotten a lot better since the first Star Trek franchise started.  They could have done a lot better. And when Jacob imprints on Renesmee, it didnt have the feel of the imprint effect. He says this to Bella, 


"It's not like love at first sight, really. It's more like...gravity moves. When you see her, suddenly it's not the earth holding you here anymore. She does. And nothing matters more than her. And you would do anything for her, be anything for her...You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that's a protector, or a lover, or a friend, or a brother."


Nope, I didnt see that happen. I just saw his knees buckle under him. The way I pictured it in my head when I read it, Jacob's whole life flashes before him and to a sudden halt, it all ends in her eyes, with nothing but void elsewhere. Something like that. Then he can buckle, or do whatever the hell he wants to. 


And Kristen Stewart did an amazing job at being, well very void of facial expressions. Although kudos to her for trying harder this time. And Robert Pattinson managed to have his infamous constipated look. A lot. Although kudos to him too, he tried harder this time. I love these two actors. They ARE amazing. You should see RPatz in How to Be and Remember Me. He was really good. But I dont know what the hell happened here. But I must say, Stewart was really good at playing dead. She pulled it of. Blank eyes, awesome make up, very dead. 


The only thing, I loved as I did in the other three installments were the soundtrack. Twilight has always had amazing soundtrack and I loved it! In my opinion, the only way I could connect all those feelings and emotions I had when reading the books to the movie was the songs. I still remember listening to "White Demon" by The Killers(From Twilight:New Moon) over and over again while studying for my finals. I can still close my eyes and smell my old room, the dim study light, the pain I felt back then, the atmosphere. And Christina Perri's "A Thousand Years" sung for the latest installment fit perfectly into the theme of the whole franchise. 


Overall, it was a badly made movie make of a badly written book originating from a amazingly wonderful theme. 


If you read the books, you will know what I am saying. I thank God for giving me the imagination of a hundred crazies. Of course, reading it, I felt the vampire logic was very of. I mean,c'mon... sparkly vampires with literally marble-like bodies? Wont Edward be having a stiff-on all the godamn time then? (Never thought about that did you Meyer?). And being a virgin for a hundred years? Logic (1) Blood, is always associated with lust, the lust of life, the lust of being alive, the lust of all things. Sex included. (2) He drank human blood before when he was a rebelling young vampire (3)seriously?? But no literature discrimination here. I loved how the story revolved around one thing though. Love. 


Not "Oh I love you because you're so hot!" or "I love you because you're so wonderful to me" or "Lemme cheat on my lover because he loves me so much he will forgive me anyway" love. 
It was about a monster, a monster who knew he was one, who thought he had no soul, and the inability to love and a girl, clumsy, awkward and never fitted into her world with all the 'normalcy'. Edward lived a hundred years, and to live that long, without someone to call you their own, someone to belong to. I have only lived for 22 years and I'm already feeling the pain of a possibly being forever alone. And suddenly his sister tells him about this girl, misfit in their world who will take over his. Imagine that feeling... I imagine it to be like something, filling up your every void, every hole, nook, cranny. Filling everything up and making you whole. A reason to live for after being 'dead' for a hundred years. A hundred years of seeing everyone feel that sort of completement, and now it was his time. A sort of love that made your eyes glaze over everytime you look at her/him. The sort of love where your heart keeps searching for their presence and all you wanna do is be close, and feel their warmth, their breath, their aura, their essence... everything. The love where wrong or right doesnt exist but they do, and everything they are and they do is perfect, and heart breaking at the same point. And you feel like you have died everyday waiting for them(quote C.Perri), and you feel like you have loved them even before you existed.  And for hers. Someone made for her a hundred years ago, and made to wait for her. To live for her alone. That sort of love only lives in ink and paper, not in the hearts of 'modern men'. 


So, it was a very wonderful theme. But everyone else ruined it. 


Thank you =.=
Totally ruined the movie I created in my head reading all those ink on paper. 


=.=

Self inflicting insomniac

I cant sleep =.=
More like T.T

I'm naturally a hyper person. Boyfie claims it to be a miracle when I actually WANT to go to bed or eat. I rarely take my own iniative to do those two things on my own. Especially when I'm in Nilai. Usually he just gives up and goes to bed himself, because I will follow him. Or make food and force me to eat.

BUT I NEED TO SLEEP!!! I will be tired later today, but hyper(still) because I have a very hyper day tomorrow. DAMN YOU SLEEP!!!

Maybe I should buy some aromatherapy candles? If my budget allows. I dont have much to work with.

Sleep Mohawk, sleep.. NOOO!!! HYPER!

Studying in UTAR

Just got home from dinner. Dinner was good. I got to hang out with very politically inclined people. Muahahha. And I saw some buffaloes up close! Was awesome! Bie didnt sound so good when I called him after dinner. I dunno why. He will tell me, sooner or later. I just hope it's not something catastrophic. I cannot deal with catastrophic at the moment.

Anyhoo, I should start writing tips and ideas about living and studying in UTAR. This semester, I have gotten to know many of my darling juniors and oh my gosh! I feel so motherly towards them. I just wanna help everyone out!!! Especially the Biomedical Science students. In my opinion, we have the toughest system. Tough subjects, and we have a minimum of 5 subjects a semester, all piled up, we start exams early, and we end them late. We have tonnes of lab and lab reports, not to mention assignments and presentations! Gosh!!!

Studying in UTAR is not easy. And its a very delicate balance between having a life and also excelling in studies, overdo one and that's it! Kantoi!

Then become like this.

Anyhoo, I'm thinking me needs to go study for tomorrow's midterm.

xoxo

Cookie Monsters :)

Tomorrow we will register for out next semester timetable. And seeing as I will get my loan, I have decided to jam 7 subjects into my 'pitiful' life muahahahaha. This is what I am taking next semester.

Molecular Biology
Proteins and Proteomics
Endocrinology
Genetics
English for Science
Ethics, Professional and Social Issues
Professional Ethics and Manners

LOOKS A LOT RIGHT???? I KNOW!!!!

But English for Science, and the two other Ethics subject will go by in a breeze. Those are subjects related to the social world, so I'm not worried about them. I have 4 Science Majors, which I'm freaking out about. I shall pester my seniors to give me their notes muahahahahaha

Excited about next sem, and hey last semester I took 6 subjects(well I did drop one, but that's because my lack of concentration blew because of some idiots I gave my life to). I will prevail next semester!!! (thank you so much for not being my friends anymore. You gave me back my life!)

Omnomnomnomnom

Little Ramble

I'm very inclined to write nowadays. It has a calming effect on me. I had a lazy day,apart from early this morning which was extremely fun. Otherwise, a lazy day. Sometimes, lazy days are good :)

I'm going to watch Breaking Dawn at the cinema theater on Saturday. I bought my tickets already, online :) YAY ME!! Saturday is going to be hectic, because I have a midterm, then rush to my pre registration, and then rush to Ipoh for my movie before 3.50pm.

Missing boyfie to bits. He called me today, in his very rarely heard mushy voice... missing me too. I asked him what he wanted to Christmas and he said loads of strawberries and apples! DONE! I shall get him loads when I go there.

I feel very sleepy... Maybe I should go to bed, or should I wait till 12am so I check out my timetable preview... hmm. Decisions,decisions... 

Happy Days

Its 6.29am, and I'm finally of to bed after obsessing about hair wigs and cosplay. I only like Cosplay for its wigs ok? Dont get me wrong. Lol. I had an amazing time with Hamara. We sat at the bus stop for 4 hours talking about everything it was great. He is a very nice guy. Came back home to see a friend request from Lauren Dubinsky (see my link) and a person called Avis. Chatted with them for a while, it was great too!!! Scrapbooked a little, Lauren gave me an amazing quote "What we focus on, expands," and omg its so true!!
Found a picture of a girl with amazingly done eyeliner, I had to put that picture in my book before I forgot. Here is the picture. DIBS DIBS! lol...

 And then looked for wigs. I personally like my mohawk hair(though its not much of a mohawk now) and I would never grow my hair or make it long, since my hair doesnt grow very well once its past my shoulders. But I like long hair too, and long hair goes well with some looks, and I'm not conservative about anything, so WIGS IT IS!!!

I also saw a picture of a cosplay wig that I absolutely love!

Apparently is a wig inspired by Kaito(whoever that is), and I love the electric blue. always did. Dibs on this wig!

And now I shall go to bed so I can be awake for my class. Had to cancel my appointment with my counselor because I dont think I can wake up for my 11am appointment. I'd be dead. Moral of this story--> always sleep early!

Totally worth it though. I had a great day, and it isnt even dawn yet

Miu Miu

Today's been real quiet.
My body is still sore from walking to uni. Yes, I have started walking to uni.
And I have done nothing much. Just sorting out my whole course structure, since I messed it up with my First year first semester's major fail. Proud to say I havent failed any papers since, and my grade has been on a steady rise.

I have been checking out cosmetics. Oh yes I have. I dont really wear make up. Unless I am in the 'grunge' mode, then the eyeliner comes out to play, and sometimes Elianto's black eyeshadow. But that's about it. But I really wanna look like a girl, not a punk rock chic.

I have been eyeing this for a while though.

It's by Stila, and I really like the colours, and I thought maybe next semester I can glam up a little. It's quite expensive though but next semester I have some money to spare and I shall get it.

I met this girl online, Ivie, on Tumblr and we have been sharing diet tips and being accountable to one another.
She's really nice. I'm currently obsessing over my body and also my books because there is nothing else to obsess over and I need something to keep my mind busy. #Tip: Never obsess over a person, especially someone you love. I did it with friends, and my ex and it didnt end so nicely. My current beau is sorta ok with it, but I dont wanna go crazy on him.

Going out soon to meet up with Hamara :) Boyfie aint gonna like it since Hamara is a boy but hey I need to hang out too lol. Well, I told him anyways so ya..

Update soon(er).

xoxo

Favourite pictures

My favourite pictures from Tumblr,Lookbook and countless other places I cant even remember :D yes I STEALZ THEM!!

A day well spent

This morning started with restlessness, inability to sleep (I'm so excited for Christmas even though Christmas in my house is like every other day, except that the Christmas tree makes me sneeze a lot), and me having a solo 'clubbing' in my room, dancing and listening to Club Hits at 4am. I know, I'm awesome. And then uni started, and I have no idea how awesome this day would turn out to  be. It was pretty awesome. I got to help a friend out, 'help' my favourite lecturer determine whether a sample was contaminated or not(I was bullshitting of course, but it made her laugh), had an awesome conversation with my Toxicology lecturer(I think we sat there for an hour), made friends with some lab officers(I love lab officers! they are the go to people when you're too scared to ask the lecturer) and borrowed his lab coat. Why? Coz I got to go see FYP students do... FYP!!! I was a senior for a couple hours. It was awesome. And then I had lunch with my senior, and hang out with her :D I also sorted out my every sem academic adviser consultation, and he gave me good reports on my form.

Also, my Toxico lecturer asked me if I'm Malayalee or punjabi, like for the second time. =.= I is of South Indian ancestry okies? And I can speak awesome tamil. And also, she said I sound like a very small child. Obviously she doesnt know how loud my voice can get. But yes, 3/4 of the time I sound sorta like a little girl, like a mouse(mishka). And when I told boyfie this he agreed and he was like "Yes babe you should like a small child" and insisted I 'shuddup' when I insisted I IS ALL GROWN UP! I is 22 ok? VERY GROWN UP!! *sulks* I love these two people though. My toxico lecturer is uber sweet. And very easy to warm up to. She has this mother like nature. Once I was having lunch by myself and she put her hands on my shoulder and asked me if I was always by myself. She is uber sweet.

Now, I just want to concentrate on my diet, and my Toxicology, and do well, and get to Nilai asap, because I keep getting this vibe boyfie isnt feeling so great. He always sounds dull and always is quiet. He needs MUA to cheer him up :) I have an awesome boyfriend though ♥
IT WAS GREAT!!!!! 

Girl likes

My boyfriend always tells me "Bie, I have no idea what you like to do. I have been studying you and you're not like other girls. You dont watch movies, you dont read, you dont browse, I just dont get you,"

Mostly it's because I bug him when I'm with him. I havent seen him in a while and when I'm there I take every opportunity I get to pounce on him and annoy him.

But the honest truth is, I dont quite remember what I like to do anymore. I had a whole bunch of things I loved to do before 'calamity' struck me (or rather befriended me), and now I dont know what I like anymore. I dont concentrate on movies. I dont. I just drift away and go do other things. Or skip parts of the movie. I start reading, but I dont quite finish the book. I wander of. I used to read so much. Watch movies like a bitch-pig.

What do girls do? Like, what do you like?

I need inspiration. I need to go find my likes again. I do know I love shopping. And I like photography. But that's about it... :(

Feel sort of weirdly dumbfounded by this question.