"When she was just a girl, she expected the world.
But it flew away from her reach, so she ran away in her sleep.
And dreamed of para-para paradise"
Mixed feelings. Some things are happening, and I dont know what to make of it. I don't know if it will get better, or worse. The worse part is, I cannot talk to anyone about it. Recently I have resorted to Befrienders to just talk. Last night I had a good cry talking to a lady named Karen. Befrienders are nice, but you never expect to be so isolated and alone that you have to resort to strangers to get some comfort. I cant talk to boyfie about it. He is the sweetest, most caring guy anyone would ever meet but this one issue I am not allowed to talk to him.
I still cling on to the trust I have in God though. I don't know where He is taking me, and the life He has prepared for me. But I give up trying to figure out, and I hope that God will lead me through it all. I mean, He knows what He is doing. That's obvious.
I just want this year to be ok. To be good. I dont want to repeat the same mistakes, and I dont want to remember this year as the 23rd consecutively fucked up year. Actually I just wanna go home. And be with my boyfie, and 'rape' the new playstation 3. It's my safe haven.
I really did expect the world. I just don't know why it's not happening yet. I don't wanna be 40 and still waiting for the dreams to come true. And most of all, I dont want to be alone. I'm learning how to be alone, and I'm doing pretty well, but I don't fancy it. I want a family. I want my parents to love me again. I want really good friends, not life sucking human beings. And I want boyfie with me forever.
I have not existed this whole week. It's like I have been flung out of the map. Not one call from anyone except boyfie. I think if the holidays were longer, I would be completely forgotten. I don't wanna be forgotten.
So, I guess I'm still waiting. Waiting for things to be great. It's good for now, but I want great.
But it flew away from her reach, so she ran away in her sleep.
And dreamed of para-para paradise"
I still cling on to the trust I have in God though. I don't know where He is taking me, and the life He has prepared for me. But I give up trying to figure out, and I hope that God will lead me through it all. I mean, He knows what He is doing. That's obvious.
I just want this year to be ok. To be good. I dont want to repeat the same mistakes, and I dont want to remember this year as the 23rd consecutively fucked up year. Actually I just wanna go home. And be with my boyfie, and 'rape' the new playstation 3. It's my safe haven.
I really did expect the world. I just don't know why it's not happening yet. I don't wanna be 40 and still waiting for the dreams to come true. And most of all, I dont want to be alone. I'm learning how to be alone, and I'm doing pretty well, but I don't fancy it. I want a family. I want my parents to love me again. I want really good friends, not life sucking human beings. And I want boyfie with me forever.
I have not existed this whole week. It's like I have been flung out of the map. Not one call from anyone except boyfie. I think if the holidays were longer, I would be completely forgotten. I don't wanna be forgotten.
So, I guess I'm still waiting. Waiting for things to be great. It's good for now, but I want great.
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