The good and the bad

I had the craziest dream. Ok, it was a nightmare. And I have lucid dreams, which means I am aware that I am dreaming, and sometimes I can exert some sort of control over my dreams. And my dreams are very realistic and vivid. Which is scary if I have nightmares. This time I dreamt about murdering someone and hiding all evidence, only to go on a killing rampage. I still remember one part of the dream where I check my revolver for remaining bullets and conscious me is like "Why the fuck is the bullet all funny looking?" I am naturally a sweet person, I don't like hurting anything and if I do, the guilt that envelopes is a very painful thing to experience, and oh gosh the guilt I felt in my nightmare... So weird. Worst part is I woke up thinking it really happened and it was not a dream but a flashback! Panicked for a moment and then realised it was a dream. 


I think I have been watching and researching too much Resident Evil. 


On a sweeter note, the only thought that calmed me down was the thought of him. I honestly miss home and I really miss my queen bed with my own softer more hug-able version of a bolster. And I miss him. He is honestly my most favourite person in the whole world. It's just the things he does for me. I don't ever remember slogging in the kitchen when I'm there. He does it for me. He becomes mummy during meal times. Cooks the simplest yet most delicious food. I'm actually yearning for custard. He always makes it for me and it's sweet and it doesn't hurt my teeth so its truly my favourite food there. And he knows I like chocolate/strawberry milk and sweet things so when he goes out he gets me those. And if there is a late football match and I'm already groggy and tired he puts me to bed and hugs me for a bit and makes sure my bolster is near me and all that before he goes downstairs. And he wakes up before I do, always, so he can finish his work and his prayers and all that because he knows when I'm awake I'm going to need attention. And when Pinky was spoilt and there was a possibility she would not get better, he knew how upset I was and ignored his work to make me smile. Of course, we have a lot of arguments. Most of them are stupid and caused by differences in culture and opinion, but I dont ever remember sulking for more than an hour. We usually forget and go back to being obnoxiously close. 


It's the small things. He makes me very happy. And it makes every problem seem quite small. And he has brought me closer to God. He has become my mentor. He tells me about God in such a personal way I feel like I know Him too. We all know I have a problem with that. 


I really miss him. And it sucks Valentine's day is on a Tuesday. I can't skip Monday because I would be missing tonnes of lectures and I can't miss Tuesday either- its practical week. I have labs. I'm sure we'll come up with something. 


I think I'm going back to bed for a couple more hours before I tackle Genetics tutorial. It's very difficult and I think its going to be my most challenging subject this semester. But I found this amazing study note and I made my own from it, so I understand the gist of it now. I think I will be fine :) 


xoxo